I've been in a slump during Christmas vacation. I wasn't much in the Christmas spirit all month and let's just say alot of "breathing exercises", prayers, hugs, and encouraging words from Mom and Dad helped me get through it. I have tried to blog many, many times since my last post on Christmas Eve, but I just haven't been able to finish and then end up deleting everything I typed. I wanted to start the new year off with a positive post, BUT I hate to say it, that's just not going to happen. I know, nobody told me I had to marry him, BUT I didn't marry him for the army, I married Brian because I loved him and still do. . . . and I will stand up for him and his army/deployment decision against anyone, anytime. We are in week 16 of deployment and only beginning week 5 of sand and I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF THIS DEPLOYMENT I COULD SPIT!!
It's seems crazy to say that I feel so lonely when I am surrounded by many people that have been very supportive of my family, the decisions we've made and the road we're traveling, but I'm all alone. My closest friend that knows what I'm going through because she's been on the road with me both times it's happened is 5 hours away. My friends and family here, just can't understand the magnitude this loneliness has on me right now. I'm tired of being alone at everything. . . . parenting, household chores, bedtime routine, discipline with the kids, paying bills, doctors appointments, staying home with sick kids, or watching a great movie. I'm tired of crawling into my cold, lonely bed at night with no one to snuggle with to keep me warm. I'm tired of the house being SILENT when the kids fall asleep. I'm tired of having to be behind the wheel everytime we go somewhere. I'm tired of making every decision. I'm tired of being responsible for everything that means anything to our family.
I know, I know, it's only the 5th week in the sand, which means I have approximately 47 more sand weeks before this all ends. So, enough with my 3 minute pity-party. . . I promise the next post will be a little more on the positive side.
Happy New Year to All!!
I know it had to have been a lonely Christmas and so hard for you and the kids. Please don't feel like you have to do everything alone. If you need someone to watch a great movie with or just to keep you company in the evening--let me know. I'll do what I can. Also, I'll take the kids whenever you need a break--just let me know. We all love you and will do what we can to help you through this time.
ReplyDeleteMichelle R.
As the new year begins, I hope everyones resolution is to help end this war. Take time to help those who's loved ones are separated by the miles of war...for who ever said:
ReplyDelete"Absences Makes the Heart Grow Fonder"
....lied.
My prayers and blessings for safe return