I have been absent from blogging for quite some time now, 3 years to be exact.  I've often thought about getting back to blogging, but just never took the time to sit down and start writing.  I enjoyed writing and sharing my blog while I did it during Brian's deployment, so I decided to try it again.  It's been nice to go back the last three years and read my previous posts and also the words of encouragement and support from all of our viewers.

U S A

U S A . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . that was the text Brian sent me on Monday afternoon at 3:00.  Three little letters that mean so much to our country, but held even more meaning to me on Monday afternoon.  My husband was closer to home.  He was in the safety of our "land of the free."

Brian is currently going through the demobilization process in Camp Atterbury, Indiana.  He will return to Kansas this weekend.  Ainsley, Brogan and I, along with our extended family and friends are excited to welcome him home on Sunday!!!  Look for some awesome pictures coming to a blog near you next week!!

Almost Here

Well, Brian is almost here, which means, WE are almost there . . . . to the end.  As I look back on the last year, I can't help but smile through tears.  It has been a busy, crazy, scary and exciting ride.  We've had a lot of great experiences through this along with many sleepless nights and long days that felt never ending.  We've been reacquainted with old friends and met some new ones during this second deployment. There have been days that I've looked back on the year and thought, "Wow, its actually went pretty fast" and then there have been times it has felt like this deployment was 10 years long with no end in sight.

It has been a challenging year for me.  Not just from the deployed wife with two small children standpoint, but also dealing with illness after illness and not one, but THREE broken arms!!  I've put more miles on my van between Quinter and Oakley than I ever thought possible.  It was a challenging year for me at school too last year.  I was definitely ready for summer break and for an R&R visit from my hubby!

As I sit here on this quiet Sunday morning, drinking my warm cup of coffee and listening to the kids play in the garage, I have to smile . . . . . . next week . . . at this time . . . I'll be back in the passenger's seat!  Brian will be home!!

9/11: Ten Years Later

Today, I spent my day remembering the lives that were lost on September 11, 2001.  I felt myself drawn to the memorial services this morning and news footage of the attacks this afternoon.  Tonight, I was drawn once again to watch an update to the stories behind the photos we all have seared into our memory.  We were celebrating my nephew, Jatin's 4th birthday today, so I was surrounded by my family all day.  Throughout the day we shared our own memories about where we were when the towers were hit. I can remember my husband, sitting by the tv all night long, watching . . . just, watching.

Today, as I watched the stories of lives that were changed from that day forward, I thought about all of our lives and how we, as a nation, have changed since September 11.  I knew that on that day, my life would be changed.  Brian and I had been married just one week shy of a year.  Brian had been in the KSARNG for almost 8 years and he was a soldier that took his job with pride and seriousness.  Something that I admired then and still do now.

Ten years after the initial attacks against the United States of America, the death toll is still rising.  Tens of thousands of soldiers have been deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan to continue defending the freedom that each of us deserve, yet don't always appreciate.  Many of those soldiers have made the ultimate sacrifice and have  come home with flags draped and medals polished.  Let us take this September 11 to remember those soldiers who have fought and given their lives because of the threat of terrorism.

Brogan's First Day of Preschool!!

Brogan woke up so excited this morning, he finally got to go to school like Sissy.  He was excited to have Papa take him to school, meet Mrs. Weiser, and ride the bus home to Nana's.  He had his book bag ready and put on his new Buzz Lightyear shoes.  I took the morning off so I could take him to school.  We took pictures at outside the house and then went over to Nana and Papa's so Nana could see him before he came home a big boy!!

As we pulled up to the school, Brogan came barreling out of the van and was very excited to go inside.  As he walked the long sidewalk to the front door, it was almost as if he was growing up with every step.  Once inside the front doors and Brogan stayed right beside me as we walked the long hallway to the preschool room.  I think the quiet, long hallway was bigger than he expected.  It was kind of fun to walk him down the same hallway that I had walked when I was in grade school.  So much seemed the same, yet so much had changed since I had walked that long hallway in my childhood.  I hoped that Brogan would make wonderful memories just as I had so many years ago.

We reached Mrs. Weiser's classroom at the end of the hallway.  Brogan was pretty excited once we went through the door and he was greeted by Mrs. Weiser's smiling face.  He seen a couple friends and was ready to stay.  I had to go find him in the classroom to give him good-bye kisses.   - - --  -Wow!!  It seems as though I just blinked and my little Brogan went from a baby cradled in my arms to an energetic preschooler.

Bob the Builder - Hard at Work

Brogan's new favorite toy is this 6 ft. 2X4 piece of wood.  He pulled it out of the wood pile on the side of the garage.  It's warped and weathered, but HE LOVES IT!!  Every night he gets his 2X4 out and decides what he's going to build with it for the night.  On some nights it's a ramp for his cars, other nights it's a climbing board to get into the tree, and then some nights he just packs it all around the yard as if he's a carpenter who has lost his plans.

The creativity and imagination of young minds . . . . . I wish they would stay open-minded forever!  Their dreams would always come true, they wouldn't know any differently.

Ainsley's First Day of School

I can't believe our little girl is a third grader this year!!!  It seems like yesterday she was in Miss Jenny's preschool with Kinley and Kaylee.  Now she's growing into a beautiful girl who is a great reader and likes to socialize!

Ainsley was really excited to get Mrs. Slack for third grade!  I can't wait to see all the new things she learns in class this year.   It's going to be a great year - - - I just know it!!

Fallen Pilot's 10-year-old son.

Please help us show this little boy and his family that his Daddy is a hero!!  Hays VFW Post 9076 is organizing a tribute to fallen hero Chief Warrant Officer-2 Bryan Nichols.  Our fallen soldier will arrive in hays this weekend.  We would like to line the route from the Hays airport to the mortuary with people waving American flags.  We will have more details as they become available.  Please forward this to everyone to help spread the word!! 

Lasik!!

I started wearing glasses in third grade, contacts in fifth grade and rigid GP contacts when I was a sophomore in high school. My glasses are so thick that even when I pay the extra $$ for the lab to make the lens thin, they still look like coke bottle glasses!! In the last 2 years I have been having a lot of issues with my contacts staying comfortable and keeping my prescription. Since March of this year I have went through 3 different pairs of contacts, each a different brand & prescription, trying to find one that stay comfortable and "seeable" in my eyes after 15 minutes.

I had no intentions of ever doing lasik because when I had spoke to my doctor about it several years ago, he said they could not correct my eyes completely and I will still have to wear contacts/glasses. My husband has actually been wanting lasik for a couple of years and I kept telling him that I didn't know how safe it actually was. So I was very surprised when my doctor suggested it and I excitedly asked for more information.

Because I had been wearing rigid GP contacts for 15 years, I had to be out of my contacts for 6 weeks so that my eyes could go back to their original shape. I normally HATE wearing my glasses, but I didn't really even complain about wearing them because I knew the goal in the end was to be rid of both glasses and contacts.

I started with an appointment at my regular optometrist for a pre-op visit to measure all aspects of my eye and to get a current prescription. Then, on Thursday, we went to Dishler Lasik in Denver to have surgery!!  I was a little nervous, but I was also very excited!!  The appointment started with the regular eye screenings just like at my normal eye appointments.  Next, they place plugs in the bottom tear duct of each eye.  This is pain-free!  At first it felt like I had an eyelash in the corner of my eye, so they pushed the plug in a little farther and I the discomfort was gone.  Then, I was taken to the nurse who gave me 2 nice pills to help me relax!  She went over the eye drops, sunglasses, and sleeping goggles that I would need for the next couple of weeks.  

Finally, I was escorted to the surgical suite!  Now, as most of you know, I've had my fair share of surgeries in the last 8 years (6 to be exact), and I've never had them call it a suite!!  But after going to the suite - this was a suite!!  You walk in to a small room where an Elton John concert is playing on the flat-screen and 3 over-sized, leather recliners are waiting.  Immediately the nurse put my foot rest up and reclined my head a little before placing about 3 different kinds of drops into each eye.  I was also asked to don  beautiful :) surgical bonnet and booties!  The nurses and Dr. Dishler were all very kind and and comforting and answered any questions.  From my recliner I could see another young woman who had just finished her lasik sitting in a recliner in the recovery area.  I can tell you that normally I would be ready to vomit right about now waiting for my turn, but I was very, very relaxed and calm.  The gal to the left of me was taken back and about 10 minutes later, I seen her in the recovery recliner.  It was so neat to see her - without glasses - and I smiled at her and she shot back a huge smile because she could see me - several feet away!  I got so excited right then!!  I couldn't hardly wait for my turn to be able to see a stranger's smile several feet away!

Well, it was finally my turn!!  The nurse brought me back to the laser room and had me lay down on a surgical table - and a very comfy one I might add!  The table was rotated under the first laser.  This laser was going to cut corneal flap.  Dr. Dishler gently inserted this "tong-like" contraption to hold my eye open.  I was then asked to stare at a group of white lights and a green light.  After about 15 seconds, Dr. Dishler moved on to the left eye and did the same thing.  During this process, the nurses only job in the room was to hold my hand and talk me through the process.  I was fully awake, but could feel nothing!  Not even pressure on my eyes.  My bed was now rotated to another laser.  This second laser was the one that would actually do the reshaping of my cornea.  Again, I was asked to stare at a group of red, fuzzy lights.  There was a faint, burning smell as the laser went to work on my cornea.  As soon as the laser was finished, Dr. Dishler put the cornea flap back in place.  I was concerned with being jumpy when instruments were coming at my eye, but like I explained to Kayla, it was like looking through binoculars and someone was doing something to the lens at the far end.  The only thing I felt was when Dr. Dishler took the cool, wet paint sponge to smooth down the flap.  And is all I felt was a very wet and cool sensation on my eye.  Once everything was back in place, he removed the contraption to hold my eyelids apart and placed them on the left eye to begin the left eye.

After both eyes were done, I was taken into the post-op room where Dr. Dishler looked at my eyes through a microscope to make sure they looked good.  After the clean bill of health, I was put in another recliner with my sunglasses and given some blue gatorade to sip on.  Not even thinking about it, I looked at the clock on the opposite wall when the nurse was putting the eye drops in my eyes.  I was amazed!  I COULD SEE THE CLOCK!!  I'm sure I was sitting in the recliner, resting my eyes and just smiling!  I couldn't wait to get back to the waiting room to tell Mom and Dad!  After about 10 minutes, I was escorted back to the waiting room so that Mom and Dad could take me back to the hotel for my prescribed 2-hour nap!  All smiles - they asked, "Well, how was it?"  Awesome!  I said.  It didn't even hurt - a flu shot hurts worse than this did!!

My vision was foggy the rest of the day and I had to wear my sunglasses or goggles continuously, but I had absolutely no pain or discomfort.  I set the timer on my alarm for all of my eyedrops.  I felt like Dad with my timer going off every hour.  The next morning I had a recheck at Dishler with one of the optometrist.  My eyes were already both at 20/20!!  I was so excited!

As the day went on, my eyes got tired very easy and looked tired, but I just rested them when I could.  Today, I woke up and most of the fogginess is gone.  My eyes don't feel quite as tired as they did yesterday, but after writing this long post, they are ready for a break from the computer.  So, to anyone who is afraid or nervous about Lasik, or wants a good recommendation for a lasik surgeon, let me know!  I would be happy to tell you all about it and I would definitely recommend Dishler!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Happy Birthday to my sweetness!  I love you more than anything.  I know it's your first day back to work and things are starting to get busy, so hopefully you find a little bit of time to enjoy and have fun!!

Love you!!!

You may help us wish Brian a Happy Birthday by going to Happy Birthday Wishes for BRIAN or clicking COMMENT on the second video.  You can either type your comment or, if you have a mic, you can record a message for Brian!  I can't wait to see everyone's wishes!!  If you can't get it to work, give me a call and I will help you - 672-7536

Missing him

I've been in quite the slump the last week, really missing Brian and all that he is to me.  I'm missing my partner, my lover and my best friend.  Brian has been out of Skype range for over a week and a half, not good timing for me missing him.

I've always known that we have that "special" relationship that most people wish for.  Although we've been separated a lot in our almost-11 years of marriage, when he's home, we do pretty much everything together!  We are always sharing our wishes, dreams, failures and obstacles with one another.  It's been hard this week not being able to talk to him about my obstacles.  I haven't been able to share things and for him to be able to listen and give the advise and pep-talk I need.  One truly is a lonely number!  Especially after the kids are in bed and you are having a hard week.  I need my other 1/2.

We've had a busy week at home with me baby-sitting during the day, our local fair in the evenings, and a family wedding this weekend.  All of which, we did without Brian of course.  It's so hard going to different things without Brian.  I always feel like the third wheel, no matter who the company is. -  Ainsley is even starting to feel that way.  She will say things like - it's just not as fun without Daddy is it?  Nope little girl, it's not.  It's so hard to see that others are quick to move on and "get used" to Brian being gone when it's not a part of their every breath.  It hurts and it's scary all at the same time to see how quickly life goes back to normal for some.

Well, enough complaining.  Brian should be back in Skype range in the next day or so - I can hardly wait!!

For Patty :)

This post is for my great friend Patty :) I took your advise Patty and changed the font size -
I hope it's much easier to read now!!

New Template ~ DESIGNED BY ME!!!

I did it!!  I designed the new template for our blog!!  A couple of weeks ago I designed the template for my teaching blog from the Land of Aha-Z.  It took me almost 2 weeks to figure all the coding, but tonight it only took me about 2 hours from start to finish to do this blog.  I think I may have found myself a new hobby ~ designing templates for others!!  Let me know what you think of the new design.

Button Added

Wow!!  Summer has been pretty busy in our house as I am sure it has been in yours!!  I have not been updating the blog like I know I should be.  Brian started complaining because he likes to see the blog, so I decided I needed to get back on the blogging wagon.


I have added a "Subscribe by Email" button to the right side of the blog.  If you sign-up, you will get an automatic email each time I post something new.  I don't always email everyone when I make posts so this will let you know as soon as I update the blog.


I've also been playing with creating my own blogger designs, so check back in the near future to see my tech-geeky side come out!  It's been really fun to learn about the "technical side".  It's my secret life!!  LOL


Have a wonderful week!  We're heading to the fair this week!  I'm really wishing for a cool front to hit!

Communication . . .Lost

I have been so fortunate, during this deployment, to get to talk to Brian either by video skype, email, phone, text, or Facebook on a daily basis.  At first, I didn't take any of those conversations for granted.  I would devote my time to our conversation.  I knew these were precious conversations and ones that I needed to help me get through the first few months of deployment.  When Brian flew into Kuwait on December 1, I was prepared (or told myself to be prepared) that we would not hear from him for about a week.  I remember just falling to pieces on my drive to work the first morning after he arrived "in sand" when he called me to tell me he had made the trip.  I was so excited to him from him.  Neither of us knew at the time when our next conversation would be, so we prepared ourselves as best as we could.

Our first deployment was not so far in the past for me to forget how precious this daily communication was. I can remember talking by phone or email maybe  every 2-3 weeks, and often times those were only a 5-10 minute conversation because the lines would go dead unexpectedly.  I believe we only video chatted twice in that year.  It was so hard!!  Technology has been completely awesome during this deployment!! It is a tool that is almost as important as their kevlar!!

But, our communication has started to get pretty scattered.  We haven't been able to video skype because the internet connection has not been able to handle it.  The other night, when the kids were trying to talk to him, they kept losing the connection.  Brogan kept telling me, "Mommy, quit pushing O-F-F!  Call him back!"  He couldnt' understand that Mommy wasn't pushing the off button.  Now, our communication has stopped for awhile.  Brian is out on his first mission for the next 10 days or so.  Ugh!!  I was REALLY liking him not leaving post.  I know he is much happier out on his mission, but this wife doesn't like it . . one . . bit!!

Rock Haven . . . . . Need I Say More?

Brian and I have been busy playing and doing things with the kids, working on a year's worth of projects, and visiting with those who stop by or call us over.  But, the last 2 days was time for US!!  My great friend, Ashlee, got us reservations for a couples package at Rock Haven Spa .  Brian was a little worried about getting feminized, but Ashlee assured us that he would love it.

We had an amazing 3 hours of pampering!  It was such a wonderful, romantic "date" for both of us!  I would highly recommend Rock Haven to all couples!!

Thanks again to Jake, Ashlee, Lewis, Mac and 'lil Levi for this wonderful gift!!  Your friendship this year will always hold a special place in my heart.

Smiles and Comfort Found in a Laundry Basket

Who would have thought that you could find happiness in a laundry basket?  Today, I found my bliss while sitting on the couch folding laundry.  The kids were busy showing Daddy our entire household inventory, I think they forgot that he has lived here before - LOL.  At the same time, Brian was busy going through things in the house and making sure everything was still working the way it should be.  I was doing the usual, folding laundry.  I was about half-way through the basket when I seen a couple pairs of long, white tube socks lying there waiting to be put with their mate, and I felt BLISS!!  I know, it seems weird, but I've missed being able to do some of the most mundane things like - fold Brian's socks!  When I seen those socks lying inside the laundry basket it just felt so right and comfortable to be doing his laundry. . . . . . he's home!!

10 DAYS, 10 BLESSINGS . . . . DAY 8

Blessing 8 ~ Ainsley & Brogan!  Ainsley and Brogan help keep everything in perspective during our deployment. 

I remember during Brian's first deployment a local waitress asked me how I could have a smile on my face and be ready to face the world.  She said that if she were in my shoes she would just be laying in bed crying and worrying. I had a one year old ready to face the world each morning.  There was no way I could lay in bed, cry and feel sorry for myself.  I owed it to my daughter to be the best mommy she needed while her daddy was gone.

This deployment is no different.  Although we continuously have them in mind when each time we re-enlist, they are not old enough to be asked the question, "Should we re-enlist for another xx years?"  Ainsley and Brogan have their little safety net completly ripped open for a bit while Brian is away.  I try to med the net back together as best as I can, but I know that the netting is much stronger when Brian and I work together to raise our children.

Our children have handled this deployment so well!  They both make us proud!  I knew that Brogan wouldn't understand the whole logistics of deployment, but I was also worried about him not being able to understand that Daddy will be gone for a LONG time and not being real good with communicating to Brian when he called or skyped.  However, Brogan has done well.  He knows the sound of skype when it comes on my computer and is very good about taking control of the conversation and pushing everyone else out of the way.  I knew he was old enough not to forget who Brian was, but I have the fear that he may ignore his Daddy when Brian comes home. 

Now Ainsley, I know won't be ignoring her daddy!  She is a Daddy's girl through and through!!  This deployment has been very hard on Ainsley, but she has held her head high and has coped pretty well on the outside.  There are still nights that she breaks down at bedtime and cries that she misses Daddy or gets upset when she finds out that Brogan got to skype Daddy while she was in school.  She is so excited to have Daddy home!  I know she will be running to jump back into her daddy's arms as soon as she seems him walking through the terminal.   . . . . I just looked at the picture on our wall from Brian's first R&R when Ainsley was just 2 years old!  She seen her Daddy and nearly knocked 2 old ladies over as she went running to him.  As soon as he scooped her up, their eyes locked and you can just see the excitement and love beaming in their eyes and smiles!  The quote "Life is not measured by the the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away" is a perfect caption for that photograph and I can't wait to have another moment that takes our breath away!!

10 DAYS, 10 BLESSINGS . . . . DAY 7

Blessing 7 ~ Our Faith!  This deployment has been successful because of my faith.  At the beginning of the deployment, even before Brian left for the sand, I was having lots of anxiety and horrible nightmares.  I know I shared these with a few of you.  My nightmares were very vivid, realistic and becoming more frequent.  It was very hard to concentrate on anything life handed me, because I was so uptight over the unknown.  After Christmas I finally decided to let go of my anxiety and hand it over to someone else.  Him.  I made the conscience decision to live without worry and fret.  I still continue to pray for Brian's safe return and to keep the kids and I safe and healthy while waiting for his return, but for now, I'm living with the belief that no matter how much worrying I do, our life story has already been written.  My nightmares have ceased, they are no more, and I'm thankful for that.  I can live in peace. 

Our faith in one another and our marriage has also been a huge blessing.  If Brian and I were to walk into a marriage counselor and write down all of the so-called "life changing moments" in the last 5 years of our marriage - I think the counselor would laugh and tell us the name of the nearest divorce lawyer.  But instead of these life changing moments tearing us apart, we have grown stronger and more bonded in one another.  I'm not going to lie and tell you that it has always been a bed of rose petals, but instead it has sometimes been a bed of roses and those thorns have hurt like hell.  But through it all we have believed in our marriage and have done more than just "make our marriage work."  We have made our marriage a way of life and neither of us want to live without it.  We hold each other and ourselves to very high standards in our marriage and the value of it.  We plan to be in this for the long run.  I want to be like my great-grandparents and celebrate our 65+ years of marriage while being surrounded by family and friends.  And this deployment has been a blessing to make this marriage one strong step closer to reaching our golden anniversary in the year 2050!! 

10 DAYS, 10 BLESSINGS . . . . DAY 6

Blessing 6 ~ My friends.  I have some wonderful friends that have helped me survive this deployment.  Many of you have been there to help me up when I've needed it.  Some of us have shed a few tears together and talked for hours about the struggles we are facing when the one we love is out of reach.  Some of us catch a few minutes here and there to see how life is going or check on one another when we know the other needs it.  Although I may not always be able to pick up the phone and chat regularly or always make it to a girl's night out, I do value our friendship.  Hopefully when things begin to slow down in my life, I can be a more active participant in our friendship.  Until then, thank you for taking this little ride with me and not getting to annoyed by my lack of participation.  I know my true friends, because they know, I would never do it on purpose - - I just tend to be very forgetful and easily distracted. :)